All Right, Now I Suck Too

Okay...

I'm actually finally joining the bloggers in their self-gratifying talk-to-ourselves little thing. I've been using the Internet since way before most people in this country ever heard of it, since like 1992. I remember when Usenet was new, and there was no World Wide Web. (You whippersnappers, we had to walk six miles in the snow, uphill both ways, to log in to the Internet in the old days *cough* *cough*)

I used to have a website, quite a long time ago, with interesting things on it, which maybe I'll mention sometime but probably not. I've never had a blog before, though, even though it seems like it would be a perfect outlet for me: I like to write, I have opinions about everything, and I'm mouthy. Well, these three things are actually just two things. Or one thing. But you know what I mean.

Also, I need an outlet. Back in the old days, I needed an outlet so much that I did Bad Things. Not actually BAD... Just not really good. Amusing? Yes. Team-playerish? Uh, no. I did a few, um, newsletters for work. Good, funny newsletters, in my opinion... But sadly, they were not exactly officially sanctioned. I could have done an actual official one, but that would have to contain boring junk like birthdays and official news, and really, if you can't make fun of the company at least, what's the point? But I kinda tore it loose in these newsletters... I'm ashamed to say that in one of them I very humorously compared the head salesperson to a blowfish. No, wait. I compared ALL of the salespeople to blowfish. The head salesperson I called the QUEEN of the blowfish. Oh, yeah, that's right... Gee, why was it that she didn't find the humor in it? Huh.

Well, I was young then. Ill-advised. Ill-advised by the voices in my own head, sure, but ill-advised nevertheless. I just couldn't keep my snark reined in. Much later, I did another newsletter at a different job, which many of my coworkers found extremely entertaining, and I did finally learn to be nice. Well, I mean, most of the humor of it was about the Human Condition. Like how, in a business environment, people use a lot of cliches. So, for example, the back of one newsletter had a game board for Buzzword Bingo. This was back before THAT became cliche itself, so it was still funny then!

Well, as funny as it was, and as many people enjoyed the little joke, still, you just can't be doing that. So, now that I'm a "grownup," I don't do it anymore. But healthy brains sometimes simmer, and sometimes my brain is healthy enough, since it doesn't eat chocolate like the rest of my body does. So I've come here. I'm hoping that I can use this place as a Pensieve, and blorf out some of the sparky, foamy, shmutzy stuff that floats around in there, if you'll pardon the almost incoherent nature of that statement. Some people might even end up reading this blog. You fools! Don't you have Better Things To Do With Your Time? There's Solitaire, after all, right there on the Games menu!

We all have Better Things To Do With Our Time. It's a damn shame.