Wednesday, August 17, 2005

tomatoes are evil



tomatoes are evil

Holy gee, I've been wrong all this time! I thought tomatoes were good. I mean Good, with a capital "G." But apparently, they're EEEVIL!!!

The site Tomatoesareevil.com is dedicated to the belief that the humble tomato fruit is in fact evil. Now, why would they make a whole website dedicated to that belief if it weren't TRUE?!?!?! I ask you!

They offer tomato-free recipes for pizza and pasta and even ketchup. Yick. Bet that's tasty.

Banners Over Big Brother - Also, Jen Sucks

They've flown a banner over the Big Brother house again. This one says:

"J-Blo & Yapril - America wants your DOR."

DOR means "departure on request." Presumably, the househamsters know that. April can probably figure out that "Yapril" means her, although I wouldn't put it past her to be confused. I have no idea if they would figure out that "J-Blo" means Jennifer, who has a new "Jennifer sucks" website devoted to how much unlove is felt for her.

But it doesn't matter much, as the hamsters didn't get to read the whole banner. Big Brother locked down the house before they could see it, and Maggie and James only saw the end of the banner.

I guess that Big Brother used to have people staked out at the airport to watch for planes taking off with banners. In previous years, banners were all the rage. In 2000, Season 1, a banner was flown saying, "Big Brother is worse than you think. Get out now."

Banners are pretty obvious, and the producers act quickly if they're seen in time. That's the thing about a banner... You can't really keep it hidden so as to only reveal it once you're on top of the house, where it could be read easily. Planes pretty much have to drag it all the way from wherever they're coming from. I love banners.

Hey! Here's an idea! Propose to someone, or tell them you hate them, with a nice banner plane, flying over London at 2000 feet for an hour, for only 899 pounds! That's, like, $1622.12 in American money. More or less. Don't live in London? Well, don't do that, then, because they probably won't see it. That would be a waste of money.

Banners definitely are fun. Not subtle. But fun.

A more subtle approach to telling the househamsters that we hate them is the tennis-ball method. Some guy cut open a tennis ball and stuffed it full of fake news stories. One said that the president called Big Brother a "national disgrace." (Like that's news?) Another said that an evicted hamster signed a record deal with P. Diddy-Puffy-Combs-Daddy to record a new rap album taking aim at his former roommates.

While this is very amusing, what was most enjoyable is how "disturbed and angry" the hamsters got over it. Not that anybody hated them at the time. But, what's more interesting than happy househamsters is freaked-out househamsters. I mean, if you've GOT a little box of people, and all they do is drink beer and talk about themselves, you're gonna want to shake them up once in a while.

Monday, August 15, 2005

What Animals Dream About



Animal Dreams

I'm a little too freaked to post about this... {backs away from computer slowly}