I'm Out Of Town

I'll be out of town for the next few days, so I won't be posting. Gee, it's too bad there isn't some kind of global network so that people like me could access their websites from someplace besides their home. Oh, well.

I'll be at my niecey Diana's First Communion. Will I get her the Marshmallow Peep Maker? (From Wham-o!) Will I get her some more appropriate keepsake-type thing? Will I remember to pick up pantyhose? Only the future can know.... Only... the future... can know...

What's up with Henry Earl?

Henry Earl info page

What's up with Henry Earl? Who the heck is Henry Earl? Why should you care about Henry Earl?

Well, I can't really answer that last question, but for all other things Henry Earl-related, there's the info page! And now, a Firefox extension, so you can get current Henry-Earl information in your browser status bar. Because you NEED that.

Henry Earl is a ginormous lush, and he... well, he's so frequent in his getting-drunkenness and he's got such an intriguing personality that he's developed a cult following. From the info site: "Henry is an icon, a work of performance art. He's like an Otis Campbell for the 21st century. He's our schadenfreudic touchstone of intoxication."

This could never happen in the days before the Internet. Wait, why do we like the Internet, again?

Even Tulle Doesn't Deserve This

Ugly Wedding Dress: Because Some Brides Have Really Bad Taste

One of the comments from this site: "Apparently someone had to use up some old whorehouse draperies."

Another: "No self-respecting gay fairy godmother would wear a diaper made of this dress!"

This is pretty much the tone of this site, which heaps loads of written abuse on wedding dress designers with more ego than taste. Yay! Abuse for them equals fun for us!

Did you know that some wedding dresses cost over $10,000 US dollars? Granted, the dollar is devalued lately, but that's still enough to buy over a thousand movie tickets! For people, uh, with lots of time for movies, I guess. But really!

Just Another Reason to Be Vegetarian

If you have HBO, then you've maybe had the opportunity to see Deadwood. It's so cock full of swearing (pun intended) even MY ears turned red when I started watching! Okay, not really. I've watched a lot of South Park. I'm probably immune to that sort of thing.

But Deadwood is pretty darned interesting! For those who haven't seen it, it's set in the wild west, back around the gold rush. There's claim jumping and Calamity Jane and Buffalo Bill, well, not him, he's dead now.

The western movies that Hollywood produced in the olden days of black-and-white TV had NOTHING to do with anything that ever happened. It was all Disneyfied, kinda, because all the Jews were in Hollywood at the time, and they were desperately trying to produce TV that America would find "wholesome." That way, they wouldn't all get blacklisted, while the McCarthyists were kicking out Communists.

And that's why it's all really, really boring! Or at least, that's part of the reason. It's also boring because it's old. And because we all think people were stupid back then.

But in Deadwood, most people are smart, crafty, cunning... Except for the many people who have sustained head injuries. Injuries and wounds of all kinds were more frequent then! It was a rough time. The only reason anybody lived through it, I guess, was just luck. I mean, while they were killing each other all the time, SOMEONE had to not die. And those people begat you and me.

Now, in Deadwood, people occasionally became, uh, inconvenient to have still around. So, this one extra-cunning guy kills someone so often that he has a handy disposal method. He has his lackey drag the body over on a sled to Mr. Wu's. Mr. Wu is a Chinaman. He keeps pigs.

And yes... The pigs DO eat well every time someone is murdered! How did you guess that?

And that all leads us to today's item of interest. Mr. Wu's Discount Meats T-Shirt. Buy one today, they're available only through April! I get no kickbacks. But I DO have this secret glee from the existence of these T-shirts! Oops, I told you. Now it's not a secret... Oh, wait, I forgot: the pigs! My secret will be safe after all!

Cat Spit Available In Quantity For Our Special Customers

My kitty Nitwit is runty, due to having been homeless as a kitten. She snuck into my house one day in search of food, and ended up staying. Months later, she let me pet her! Even more months later, she now lets me pick her up and play football with her. Well, pick her up. Not the other part. Maybe someday.

She's very playful and adorable, and since she's runty I basically let her do whatever she wants. Also... she's a cat. Cat Math does not allow for human desires or needs to factor in to cat behavior.

She spends a lot of time atop my monitor, where it's warm and nice. Heated air blasts up at her, which is luvly. Rarely, but once in a while, she even looks over the edge to check out what I'm doing.

And even though she's smart, and way too slick to fall for the old flashlight-beam-of-light-on-the-floor thing, she still can't get over the mouse. The little arrow zips around the screen, and she tries and tries to get it. I don't think she'll have much luck with that.

But today, she got just so darned EXCITED about the little arrow. I suddenly notice a big stream of... DROOL... running down my monitor screen.

And THAT'S time to switch to the keyboard for a while.

All The Hair You Can Eat, And More!

Hair Styles Catalog - 1000 Hairstyles


Boris, I am thinkink you vill like my hair, dah? NYET?!? I vill KILL you!

What a great site! They have all kinds of interesting crap about hair and picking a stylist and good salon products and not going bald and not accidentally making your hair turn into mush and wash it down the drain! I LIKE not washing my hairmush down the drain! Also, Pantene is BAD, so don't use it!

The bestest part of the site is the eight bazillion pictures of hair styles! I NEVER can pick a decent style for my hair, and consequently what's on top of my head is basically whatever feels like being up there. It leaves me alone, and I leave it alone. I feed it and water it occasionally, but I don't taunt it, tease it, harass it, or any other unpleasantness like that stuff. Of course... It doesn't make me happy! My hair and I have... grown apart. So to speak. Because, you know, it's still ATTACHED and all. But.

So, eight gwigtillion pictures! Neato! You look through these squintillion pictures, and every so often you see a model with something that's just goofy going on... But you have to remember, every single picture shows what the stylist INTENDED. They cut it, then sprayed it, and posed the model JUST SO. If they have a bizarre chunk of hair pointing off in some random direction, it is pointing there because it is the will of the artist. If that were my head, I would want to comb that out, or brush it back off my face, but no: it is On Purpose.

That, of course, applies only to the HAIR. Some of the models have wigged-out expressions on their faces that the stylist, frankly, might just not have been able to control.

"OMG! PLEASE don't let her stare that weird way when they take the picture! She looks like she's desperate to see if the photographer has any crack cocaine he could share."

Then, of course, there are the times when the resulting picture is the fault of no one but Mother Nature herself. (That bitch!) The bugged-out eyes or weird Jackson-esque triangle noseholes? Not something the hairstyle will help with, sorry.

Well... Mother Nature and maybe some bad plastic surgery. (Those bitches!)