Thursday, November 24, 2005

All For the Love of You

Why, oh why, can't we work lots of hours, take care of everything, make lots of money, AND have time to update our blogs? And keep up with our television viewing requirements? The answer to these questions will make someone rich one day. And possibly enshrined as a minor deity.

I have discovered that mean people suck. Well, rediscovered, anyway. I won't go into it... You, gentle reader, are probably plenty aware of the many ways in which The Suck is propagated.

Also: Tony the mad Cassock does not know how to interact with Americans and not piss them off. Ah, well. I get peeved by Tony myself, and then I remember: he's just an asshat. His head is so far up his ass, he's wearing it as a hat. So I get over it.

I used the word "downtrodden," and he didn't recognize this word. (You'd think being in the country for twenty years would have familiarized him with this word, since he works in direct mail. Never mind; you'd have to know what a crappy kind of work environment direct-mail usually is, to understand that emphasis.)

So, he repeats the word, taking care to emphasize just how hard it is to understand my terrible enunciation: "Down-TURDEN? Down-TORDING? I know this word, DOWN. I don't know DOWNTUDDIN!" He makes me look it up in his English dictionary.

And, looking it up for him, and highlighting it as he demanded, made me wish I had used a different word. One that would be more appropriate to the situation. It wouldn't work, though. "Asshat" isn't in his edition of the dictionary.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Why Aren't YOU Wearing an Aluminum Foil Hat?

On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets:
An Empirical Study


Finally! Validation for those of us who just KNOW that the wearing of aluminum foil hats is a sinister plot by the Gummint! It's a STUDY! From MIT! THEY really know to get to the bottom of matters like this, I tell you what.

They designed a study. They made some hats. They wore the hats. And they took pictures. Now if that doesn't answer all the questions about aluminum-hat wearing and making, well, I don't know what would.

Seriously. I really don't know what would.

I like making my aluminum-foil hats from Fruit by the Foot, because when you're done with it you just eat it.

Really long licorice is good too.

If you have cats they might enjoy chasing that.