Except His Eyebrows Are Creepier

From TVGasm: Woody from Toy Story plus Ben Affleck equals James from Big Brother.

Hmm, No, I Think It's Just a Hurricane

REPENT AMERICA

These self-righteous, disgusting, self-congratulatory asshats make me sick. They're saying that Hurricane Katrina was all the fault of gay people, who hold an annual celebration there. That's stupid, as it was CLEARLY caused in some way by my pal's little girl Katrina. (She also wrote the screenplay for Glitter.)

From the self-important, overbearing, arrogant website:

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city."

Um, no... It was just a hurricane. Did you hear about these? They're natural weather events. It wasn't wrath against Mardi Gras or a gay convention. HURRICANE. Did anybody see a giant finger descend from the sky? No.

Besides. If there were deities smiting high concentrations of wickedness, how come Las Vegas hasn't been wiped out by some cataclysm? These people need to adjust their level of medication.

Cats Is Dumb

Now that Chully the cat has learned how to drink water without inhaling any of it through his nose first, he's in love with his water bowl. He's been taking naps with his face resting on the side of the bowl.

I'm just hoping he doesn't drown himself accidentally. He's pretty stupid. Maybe it's just Darwinian selection?

At least he's pretty. People will still buy him drinks at the bars.

America Doesn't Love You, Ivette

TVgasm 2, Friendship 0

On Big Brother, the last America's Choice seemed kinda lame. We got to decide which hamster would get a call from a loved one? Big deal.

But it turned out to be less lame than indicated. The Fiendship went the whole week assuring each other how much America loves them, and how impossible it was that one of the others would get the call.

I wouldn't think a phone call from a loved one would be THAT big a boost to your spirits. I mean, you know they're still out there in the world, right? You know you'll see them soon, when the game is done, right? Right? But I guess hamsters have a very limited and sad peephole view of the world. (Yeah... we like it like that. Heh. Put 'em in a "habitat." Make them eat peanut butter and jelly. Make them play a game in a box, and put dozens of flies in there with them! Beau actually was seen on the feeds yelling about flies in his sleep, so that worked out pretty well!)

So, the Fiendship hamsters thought they were loved and adored, and that they OF COURSE would get the loved-one phone call. But America hates them! Some people in America hate them so much that a campaign was started to get people to vote for Janelle, specifically for the purpose of making April, Ivette, Maggie, and/ or Beau cry. Now THAT'S good TV.

CBS knows damn good and well what they're doing when they try to promote the Fiendship members. They know people hate them! They know because they have a poll right on their website, for goshsakes. But they edit the shows so that the "Girl Scout Troop" looks like they're not the hypocritical jerks they are. When Janelle demanded the HOH key from Jennifer, (back a hundred years ago, I mean) they showed Janelle yelling, "Gimme the key, bitch!" But they didn't show Jennifer throwing them off to the side, out of her reach. The people watching the FEEDS know the truth! CBS is skewing what they edit so the Fiendship looks like the good people they THINK they are. Wait.... Why does CBS do that?

Well, either way, this has been a great week for Big Brother. Janelle won stuff and made everybody seethe with jealousy... And when she won the phone call from a loved one, it made Ivette cry. Now that's some good TV.

But the feeds still won't be worth the money.

The feeds will never be worth the money.

It's Unpossible to Write More Better

Kolo-TV article

In Kolo, Nevada, they don't have much use for book-learnin'.

Usually I don't get too critical when I read something on them internets that isn't punctuated well, or has poor sentence structure.

Oh, who am I kidding? I always get torqued off! I HATE reading things when people don't seem to care about basic writing skills. But mostly, you see bad writing in forums, or in people's blogs, or in personal emails from your lazier friends. (Not Justin, he's conscientious, and he can spell fancy words because he's eddicated.) But hey, not everybody is a good speller. I accept that. I don't like it... But I accept it.

The place you DON'T expect to find it is in professional websites, say, for corporations, or for television networks. That's right, I'm talking to YOU, KOLO-TV in Kolo, Nevada!

In this article about controlling West Nile virus through mosquito urine, (yes, that's right) the author of the article writes like a third-grader. Or, possibly English is their second language, and they haven't really gotten up to speed on the basics yet.

From the article:

"It is like trying to when she's done with the blood meal its is like trying to get a 747 to take off with over one thousand people on board."

Oh, wait... You know what? I bet the article is just a straight transcript off the newscast. Author Terri Russell probably just writes the articles exactly as the reporters deliver them, word for word. And, because people often speak in a way that would make them sound idiotic if it were written exactly as they said it, well, the article sounds idiotic!

It's not Terri Russell's fault! She's just transcribing! She only sounds like a third-grader because she doesn't bother editing the material from the newscast in any way, which you would normally do, to prevent it from sounding like you're in third grade!

Okay, Terri Russell, from Kolo, Nevada or thereabouts. I'm sorry I came down on you so hard. But tell your boss to either start paying you, so you can devote time to raising your writing level to at least sixth grade, or start running a disclaimer at the bottom of your articles. Here, I'll write it for you:

"This article was not written by a third-grader, or by someone unfamiliar with English. It only sounds moronic because it's just a straight transcript from the newscast. It is cheaper to do it this way, instead of editing it so it sounds like it wasn't written by monkeys."

Oh.... Looks like Terri Russell isn't even the article author, though the byline seems to indicate that. She's the reporter who delivered the story.

Oh, crap. Well, now I don't know WHO to complain about.

It's a good thing stuff on them internets doesn't stay around very long for posterity!